Djokovic, you are the embodiment of everything that is wonderful in this world. May you

annihilate every challenger that stands in your way, drive Fedex off the rails and show that big brute of muscle Mr. Nadal that it takes more than perennal ass-grabbing to win a championship. Disregard Murray, as per usual.

Now, Mr RF/peRFect/Fedex etc etc. I have great respect for you, I do. It's just that things didn't really work out between us and my heart kinda stopped when Djokovic came into the picture. You're still one of my favourites and may you perform outstandingly! When you retire, I recommend modelling for Italian/Swiss suits and going swimming in your pool of earnings. (if Mr. Cigana can do it, why can't you?)

RAFA! I'm slightly afraid of posting anything negative about you because the king of muscle and strength Mr. Arkash Jeyaaklsjdaksd is an avid supporter of yours and just might rearrange my face. However, I would like to depart with this; WHY DON'T YOU JUST STOP BUYING XXS CK BRIEFS? (wow mindfuck!!!!!!!). It's really not that hard, they are available at most department stores.

Speaking of department stores and tennis apparel, Mr. I-Kinda-Look-Like-Christiano-Ronald0 Verdasco's traffic light outfit was quite amusing I must say. Bad luck for the defeat in the tennis department though. Tomic is a bloody gun! :D It'll be great if he can reply to my 3098409384093 fan posts on Twitter. Or Facebook. Or Myspace. Or the antique social networking site Bebo designed for the status-confused teens of today.

Okay enough of this sentimental bullshit. MR LLEYTON HEWITT, MAY I ASK WHAT YOU ARE DOING IN TACKLING THE AUSTRALIAN OPEN FOR THE 16th TIME? Your golden years were over a decade ago mate. Those pathetic "CMONNNNNNNNN"s are a relic of the past and should be left undisturbed in its grave. I could not believe my eyes that this was the response elicited after a 1st round win.

It makes me wonder what's installed for Round 2 (if by a stroke of miraculous luck you do emerge victorious).

Now to women's tennis.

..

..

The most exciting thing I've seen so far is Stosur's embarrassingly loss in the first round. And

perhaps Serena William's roid-driven physique that left James Le paralysed with a mingling sense of jealousy and shame.

YOU JELLY?!?!

Anyways since Li Na copied my haircut and piercings, my money's on her to win the Aus Open. :) Until then, I shall eagerly anticipate Round 2.