Oo8. Baulko Royale. Starring James Kwon as BOND.
Scene one.
8G are sitting in the classroom chatting loudly. Balls of paper are flying everywhere. The class suddenly becomes quiet as Mrs McFarken enters looking irritated and frustrated. She droops some textbooks on her table and turns to face the class, with everyone shocked.
Mrs McFarken: SILENCE, SILENCE! What is wrong with this class? I COULD HEAR THIS CLASS FROM TWO BLOCKS AWAY! AND WHY AREN’T YOU SITTING IN YOUR SEATS? GO AND SIT DOWN. NOW!!!
[Everyone quickly rushes to nearby seats, exchanging glances along the way]
Zoe: Eh excuse me miss..
Mrs McFarken: WHAT?
Zoe: - taken back - Umm, well I just want to say that some of us were actually sitting down, but then the guys started throwing papers at us, so-
Mrs McFarken: PAPERS?!
[Mrs McFarken’s eyes X-ray the room, and stop to see the small paper scraps on the ground. Slowly, she bends down to pick one up and scrunches it up tightly in her hand]
Mrs McFarken: You know what? I am not going to put up with this any longer. I’VE HAD ENOUGH. DETENTION, ALL OF YOU! LUNCHTIME!
[Everybody groans]
Jimmy: Thanks a lot Zoe.
Mrs McFarken: OR SHOULD I MAKE IT A WHOLE WEEK DETENTION?!
[Instant silence]
Mrs McFarken: Okay, after wasting my precious time.. Damien Ching?
Damien: Heeeere ..
Mrs McFarken: Justin Lee?
[Silence.]
Nishant: Yo, where’s mah homedawg Justin?
Keith: Iono, Probably wagging.
Gary: Or getting a haircut. But he’ll never be as “hawt” as me. [does the “hawt” pose]
[Everyone gags and rolls eyes]
Nishant: And Justin still owes me 100 bucks. Bet he’s hiding in case I bash him up.
Gary: In case I bash him up.
Nishant: Nah, you can’t bash him up with your limp weak arms. What you need are big strong GUNS like mine. [Flexes his muscles]
Gary: But-
Keith: YES GARY WE GET THE IDEA.
Mrs McFarken: BE QUIET NISHY- I mean, Nishant. Where is Justin Lee? JUSTIN LEE?
[Scans the classroom]
Mrs McFarken: Not here again! That’s the fourth time this week! WHO DOES HE THINK HE IS TO MISS OUT SCHOOL?
[The bell rings from backstage.
Exeunt]
The room is in chaos. Chairs lie upturned and the floor is littered with paper aeroplanes. The teacher is pacing around the room, occasionally glancing towards the door.
[Enter Police Officer]
Police officer: [Scans the room suspiciously and talks slowly] The weather.. is fine .. today ..
[Pauses and suddenly turns around. Relaxes and continues to walk] I hope.. the weather .. stays this .. FINE! [suddenly turns around and pulls open the curtains]
The area is secure.
Mrs McFarken: [confused expression on her face] Huh?
Police officer: Sorry ma’am but it is part of my duty to do so. You never know where spies might be hiding. Now why was I requested here?
Mrs McFarken: A boy in my class has been missing for four days now.
Police Officer: And his name?
Mrs McFarken: Justin. Justin Lee.
Police Officer: No worries mz, we will have a member from the Special Search Team investigating on this case.
Mrs McFarken: But let it be undercover or it would create panic.
Police Officer: Yes, it will be arranged. He will arrive tomorrow, disguised as a new student at this school.
Mrs McFarken: Thankyou very much, and one last thing. May I ask what the name of the young agent who will be investigating this case?
Police Officer: Kwon. James Kwon. 008.
[Exeunt Teacher and Police Officer. Enter students]
[The students are divided into two groups on either side of the classroom. A rap competition is going on between the nerds and the gangsters. Henry, Gary, Keith and Betty are rapping in while students are surrounding them and beat boxing in the background]
Henry: Yoyo, we be the triads,
The Pythagoras triad.
We are so hot,
So gimme all you got.
Everywhere I go,
People all will know,
N-E-R-D
NERD!!
Gary: Naw, yo don’t know what youse on about,
I’m the bomb, there’s not doubt!
All you MCs got nothing on me,
I’m the smooth hunk you wanna be.
Keith: [to Betty] Isn’t this the wickedest thing you’ve ever heard in yo life?!
Betty: Oh yeah, what youse on about,
I’m the only one that’s loud, yeah shout!
It’s Betty in tha house, yo!
[Enter Police Officer and Mrs McFarken. The students are unaware of their presence]
Henry: [screaming] ALPHA Y ZERO, OVER OVER!
[Police officers stands gob smacked at the poor behaviour of the students]
Mrs McFarken: STAND TO ATTENTION, YOU’RE ALL IN DETENTION!!
Classroom in chaos.. again.
Mrs McFarken: Order everyone! ROLL CALL! Be quiet Bayu and Easwar. And Zhu, stop pulling out your white hairs.
[Clears throat.]
DAMIEN CHING!
Damien: Heere..
Nishant: What the heck? Who’s calling me? [Pulls out phone]
Jimmy: Whoa, nice ring tone, man!
Nishant: Me or him?
Mrs McFarken: Ahem. Everybody listen up. We have a new student here with us. He just moved here from -
James: Pen Island, but I was born in North Korea.
Angela, Betty and Anna: WAHH, HE’S SO HOT!!
Mrs McFarken: James, please go and sit next to Zoe.
[Angela looks crestfallen while James sits down next to Zoe. Zoe tries to get as far away as possible from him]
James: [To Zoe] Hi baby, I’m James. [Winks]
Zoe: Ew, don’t talk to me! A girl with a face like mine doesn’t talk with guys with brains like yours.
Mrs McFarken: Now that everyone’s settled, I would like to remind you that the maths common is on tomorrow.
James: AHH, SO SOON?! Wait... Do uncommon people like me do the common test?
[The class sniggers]
Mrs McFarken: [Sighs] Yes James.
[A bell is heard in the background. Exit class. Mrs McFarken and James are left onstage.
Enter Kenji, the school cleaner]
Mrs McFarken: James, meet the school cleaner, Kenji, and agent 69. He is working as an undercover to assist you in this case.
James: Hey man, nice disguise. Isn’t that the two-dollar shirt on sale at the Reject Shop?
Kenji: Hey! That’s actually my most valuable shirt!
[Awkward silence]
Mrs McFarken: What’s the time? I’d better go to my staff meeting now.
Kenji: And there are toilets for me to clean and classrooms to sweep.
James: Okay. Laters.
[Exit Mrs McFarken and Kenji. A piece of paper falls out of Kenji’s pocket]
James: Hey, agent 69! You dropped something! [Picks up the piece of paper]
Wait a minute, what’s this..? [Unfolds the piece of paper]
3 Torrington Drive, Marsfield?
[Shrugs and shoves the piece of paper in his pocket]
Mrs McFarken and the Head Police are in the playground during recess.
Mrs McFarken: So ... Any new leads on the Justin case?
Head Police: Sorry mz, not much info about Justin just yet, the team is trying as hard as they can.
Mrs McFarken: Alright ..
Head Police: So how are Agent 008 and Agent 69 fitting in?
Mrs McFarken: They are doing their job exceptionally well at the moment but may I inquire, why are they from the “special” team?
Head Police: [looking nervous] Umm .. well .. you see .. the reason why they are from that group .. is because .. well .. they are both .. not extremely experienced or intelligent .. [Embarrassed]
Mrs McFarken: Ah, I see…
[Silence]
Ahem well… would you like to see Justin’s attendance records to see if it may help in the investigation?
Head Police: Yes please, that will be very helpful indeed.
Mrs McFarken: Come, Sergeant, and let’s have a cup of coffee while we’re at it.
[Exit Mrs McFarken and Head Police]
[Enter James, Nishant, Keith and Jimmy]
Nishant: Yo pretty boy, you think you’re so hot and tough? Me and ma hommies –
Jimmy: To Nishant – My hommies and I
Nishant: Ma hommies and I are gonna bash yo up and eat yo for breakfast.
James: Oh yeah man? Bring it on!!
[ Keith and Jimmy go up to James and try to dack him and the piece of paper flies out and lands in front of Nishant]
Nishant: [ picks up the piece of paper and reads out loud ] 3 Torrington Drive Marsfield?
Isn’t that where Justin lives?
James: [pushes Jimmy and Keith away] WHAT WHAT WHAT ? DO YOU MEAN JUSTIN LEE?
Nishant: [sarcasm] Ah NAAAAAAH, I mean Justin Timberlake.
James: Can you take me there?
Nishant: No way man, I ain’t takin’ yo nowhere bro, where’d yo get this info from?
James: Agent- Wait, I mean, the school cleaner.
Keith: Oh! The guy with the two-dollar shirt from the Reject Shop right?! I saw him following Justin a few days ago.
James: You saw him? Whoa, he’s being too obvious.
Keith: Huh ..? Obvious ? [Stares at James raising one eyebrow]
Nishant: Ah frankly, I don’t give a damn. Now where were we?
Jimmy: DACKING JAMES!
[Exit... James running offstage with Nishant, Jimmy and Keith chasing him]
[Mrs McFarken and Kenji are supervising the class during the Maths Common Exam]
Mrs McFarken: And remember to write your name on the top left-hand corner. And your time starts ... NOW!!
James: [Thinking out loud] Two times three equals ... a) 23? b) 6? c) 32? d) 5? [Scratches head and takes out a walkie-talkie from his pocket and talks into it]
Agent 69, do you copy? Where are you situated? Over over.
Anna: [to James] SHHHHHHHHHHH...
Kenji: [Speaks into the walkie talkie] I’m right behind you, retard.
James: Oh, that is dismal indeed. Turns around to Kenji] PSHHHH WHAT IS THE ANSWER FOR QUESTION ONE?!
Kenji: [takes out a banana from his pocket and throws it up into the air]
James: OHH! “B” for Banana!
Mrs McFarken: AND, I’ll have that banana, thank you very much. [Snatches the banana away from Kenji angrily]
Someone pulls the fire alarm and the fire alarm starts ringing backstage. Exit students except Kenji and James. Kenji is unaware of James’ presence.
Kenji: [on the phone] I want twenty thousand by Monday. Meet me outside the school broom shed.
James: [To himself] Twenty thousand toilet cleaners?
Kenji: [Threatening and talking angrily into the phone] Or something will happen to him.
James: [runs up to Kenji] Oi Kenji, where do we go for the fire alarm again?
Kenji: [Jumps in shock and faces James] AH! Eh… how long have you been here, kid?!
James: Been where? Where do we go?
Kenji: [Sighs] over there. [Points to left stage] NOW PISS OFF!
Exit James, running. Enter James again.
James: Can I have 20 000 too? [Grins]
Kenji: YOU COME BACK HERE RIGHT NOW! AH! [Frustrated] WAIT TILL I GET MY HANDS ON THAT KID!
Exeunt, Kenji chasing James.
Scene 6
Everyone is lining up in class groups. Mrs McFarken is trying to do roll call while 8G is chatting noisily.
Angela: Ah is there really a fire?! WHERE? [Glancing around nervously] Where is my super-hero James when I need him?
Henry: Are the fire brigade coming? SOMEBODY CALL 000 !
Mrs McFarken: [yelling on top of everyone] CALM DOWN EVERYONE AND BE QUIET. No, there is not a fire, and we have no idea why the alarm suddenly went off. Is everyone here? STOP MUCKING AROUND, BAYU AND EASWAR! Now is not the time! Wait … someone is missing …
[Enter James]
James: WAIT UP, WAIT UP. HAVE NO FEAR, JAMES IS HERE!!
[Holy music...]
Mrs McFarken: [Sighs] Is anyone else left behind?
James: THE CANTEEN LADY [Laughs maniacally] SHE’S GOING TO DIE.
[Singing and prancing around gaily]
“Joy to the world, the lady is dead…”
Mrs McFarken: Be quiet James, I’m trying to do roll call. Jimmy! JIMMY HUANG! [Looks around the place, trying to locate Jimmy]
Nishant: Where’s mah man Jimmy? He was ‘ere today, I know it bro.
Keith: Didn’t he walk up ‘ere with us like a minute ago? Wait, I remember now, I saw him talking with that cleaner dude when we were walking up here.
Nishant: [to James] No one asked for your opinion, pretty boy.
Anna: But then where IS Jimmy and that cleaner?
James: Kenji?
Keith: Yeah that dude.
James: Kenji? Kenji? KENJI? HAHAHAHHAHAHA! [Starts laughing maniacally again]
Mrs McFarken: This is getting out of my hands. James Kwon, can I please speak with you privately for a moment.
James: Sho’ thang, wolfmother!
Mrs McFarken: [drags James to the corner of the stage, away from the class of 8G] Now, Mr Kwon, get a GRIP on yourself! Your behaviour has been unacceptable. Another student missing, how can this be? Where were you at the time of the incident?
James: [scrunches up his face, struggling to remember] Umm… I was asking Kenji where to go and-
Mrs McFarken: YES. WHERE IS KENJI?
James: Picking up rubbish? Cleanin’ toilets perhaps? Iono … [shrugs]
Mrs McFarken: [coldly] In case you haven’t noticed Agent 008, but this is an extremely serious matter. And I’m beginning to wonder where Agent 69 is. What was he doing when you were asking him?
James: Well … I will tell you if you give me 20 000!!
Mrs McFarken: Excuse me! Do not question your place mister. How dare you…
James: If Kenji gets 20 000 by Monday, why can’t I?
Mrs McFarken: Pardon me, 20 000? Kenji? When was this?
James: Today! When I was asking him where to go! He was on the phone to someone, and he was saying things like .. “Give me 20 000 by Monday or something is going to happen to him.” We work for the same police headquarters, why shall he get higher pay than I do and-
Mrs McFarken: Hold up! What do you mean by “ something is going to happen to him” ?
Betty: [interrupting] Sorry Ms, but I think there are some things that may concern you right now. Some others of the class say they know bits and pieces-
Mrs McFarken: [quickly joins in the class of 8G again with James and Betty] Attention everyone! Now who says they know something about Kenji? Or has seen anything strange and unfamiliar happening around the school?
Nishant: YO! I saw him dawggin’ Justin a few days back when lil Jt was still combing and fixing that hair of his. And tha dude o’er there has Jt’s address! [Points to James]
Mrs McFarken: James …?
[Everyone stares at James suspiciously]
James: What?! The only reason I have Justin’s address is because it fell out of Kenji’s pocket and I picked it up! Is that a crime now ay, for being a good citizen and picking up rubbish?
Betty: Wait … why would Kenji have Justin’s address? Unless …
[Dun dun dun…]
James: He wants hair products?
Keith: No James, you idiot! Because Kenji is the kidnapper!
[Lights out]
Scene 7
Students of 8G are gathered in the library, plotting a plan to rescue Justin and Jimmy.
Zoe: So, like, how do we, like, rescue Justin and Jimmy?
Henry: Use atomic bombs times to the power of light which equals xy square rooted to the 18th digit and- Wait a minute, today’s Monday. Isn’t today the day of the exchange that Kenji was talking on the phone about?
Gary: Oi, did they mention the place of exchange? Like in the movies when the hot guys comes and saves everyone. [Does the call me pose and winks]
[Everyone looks at James. Spotlight on James]
James: Oh yeah! According to my calculations, it should be near the broom shed.
Zoe: And like, the plan is?
Betty: I dunno, don’t ask me. I’m not the smart one here.
[Everyone looks at Henry. Henry looks clueless]
Angela: When are they meeting at the broom shed?
Henry: Let’s go now and see before it’s too late!
Nishant: And get bashed? He might have guns you know.
[Silence]
James: According to my many past year experiences…as police trainee…we should go and get pots and pans and then rock up at that place.
Anna: oh yeah, good idea!
[Does a virtual hi-5 to James]
James: Where do we get the pots and pans then?
Zoe: Umm, you know, like, there’s like, tons of pots and pans, like, in the cooking room.
James: Well then, what are you waiting for? CHARGE!
[Exit students. Enter Kenji holding a gun and pulling Mrs McFarken by the collar]
Kenji: Listen woman, I want money. Now!
Mrs McFarken pulls out a 20-cent coin.
Kenji: I’m not in the mood to play tricks. Do you know how easy it is for me to blow up this library right at this second?
Mrs McFarken: NO! Please… I beg you… This is seriously all I have right now… the leftover change for my lunch…
Kenji: [holds the gun to Mrs McFarken’s head] Well then, TELL ME WHERE THAT KID JAMES IS!
Mrs McFarken: NEVER!! We know your secret now! YOU’RE COVER HAS BEEN BLOWN!
Kenji: [slowly pulls the trigger] You know what? I don’t give a damn. I’m going to get 20 000 dollars from Justin’s parents, and Jimmy’s parents are going to be here soon. And all this happened under right under your nose without you suspecting a thing. [Sighs] I’m sorry baby, but it’s JUST. TOO. LATE.
Mrs McFarken: [struggling to break free from Kenji’s grasp] I will never reveal where James and any other student in this school is. Don’t you even DARE to hurt one of them.
Kenji: [pulls the gun to his mouth and blows softly] Unfortunately for you MRS McFARKEN, but you’re not in the position force me to do anything. And no, I don’t care about those little kids running around. After all, what can THEY do to stop me? Those weaklings … [glances at his watch] What do you know? Time goes fast when you’re having fun! Time for a parent/teacher interview with JUSTIN and JIMMY’S parents! [Smirks] And in that time, you will stay here. [Pulls a rope from his pocket and ties Mrs McFarken to a chair] Move a muscle and you will instant shatter to a million pieces. Any last words?
Mrs McFarken: [struggling to break free] I-
Kenji: [stuffs foam in Mrs McFarken’s mouth] Didn’t think so. [Smirks and waves goodbye]
[Exit Kenji]
The class of 8G are near the broom shed, hiding behind .. [SOMETHING. FIGURE THIS OUT YOU GUYS!] and struggling with all the pots and pans in their hands]
James: WHERE IS THAT GODFORSAKEN CLEANER?
Zoe: SHhhhhhhhhhhhhhh… I hear footsteps!
Henry: [peeping through the gaps] It’s HIM! KENJI! Let’s get him now! [Attempts to stand up but Betty drags him back down]
Betty: Don’t move! Wait till Justin’s and Jimmy’s parents comes and then we can take down Kenji all together.
Anna: But where is Mrs McFarken? Did anyone confide her about our plans?
[Looks around and everybody shrugs]
Anna: Oops … shall someone go and inform her? [Turns back to peep through the gap again]
James: WELL, in my opinion, I think we can just do this without her. It’s so simple for an experienced person like ME. [Smiles proudly]
Keith: Shush James! I’ll run and see where she is. [Places his pot and pan on the ground silently]
[Exit Keith]
Angela: When do you think the parents are coming? And where ARE Justin and Jimmy?
Betty: I think they’re … OMG! We’ve been so stupid all along! My guess is that they are in the broom shed! Why else will Kenji do the exchange here?
Henry: We shall wait while, just until the parents arrive and when Justin and Jimmy are in sight.
James: [Sighs] And the waiting begins …
Scene 9
Keith looks everywhere for Mrs McFarken, and finally arrives in the library in order to search for her.
Keith: Where can she possibly be? [Glancing around] Wow, this place seems deserted. Hah, I think everyone’s given up on playing Counterstrike and Maplestory these days.
[A muffled sound comes from the back right corner of the room]
Keith: Wait, what is this sound? Mrs McFarken, is that you? [Runs to the corner and sees Mrs McFarken tied to a chair with foam in her mouth. She tries to motion him to come closer] How did you end up here? Don’t worry Mz, I’ll get you out of this mess.
[Unties the rope and Mrs McFarken breaks free. She pulls the foam out of her mouth]
Mrs McFarken: [still breathless] Where is everyone? Are they safe? Where is James? Warn everyone, KENJI IS A VIOLENT MAN! He .. [Panting] wants … to … kill students … hostages … hold for ransom … and-
Keith: Calm down Mz, we understand. The rest of 8G are waiting at the broom shed, where according to James, is the place of exchange.
Mrs McFarken: [Jumps up in shock] Are they exchanging ALREADY?! WE HAVE TO HUR-
Keith: Hurry. Yes we do. They’re not exchanging right now but they will VERY soon, so now let’s go!
[Exeunt Keith and Mrs McFarken]
Keith and Mrs McFarken join the rest of 8G in the hiding spot. Justin and Jimmy’s parents are late and Kenji is tapping his foot impatiently while glancing at his watch.
Kenji: WHERE ARE THEY? It’s nearly the end of school! Shall I call them again? [Pulls out mobile phone and dials the number] WHAT? Call cannot be connected? [Talking to the mobile phone] So now YOU are against me too? [Throws the mobile phone on the ground angrily] Hah, I know what I can do! I’ll get those two lil kiddies out and scare them a lil before they’re parents come.
[Walks towards the broom shed and unlocks it. Out come Justin and Jimmy, all tied up from head to toe with foam stuffed in their mouths]
Kenji: Oh look; your mummies and daddies don’t care about youse lil twits. And if they don’t come, you two are coming WITH ME. Hah, wouldn’t THAT be fun?
[Kenji pats Justin’s head while Justin shakes his head violently to avoid Kenji damaging his hair]
Keith: [Whispering softly] Pshhh ... Jimmy …
[Jimmy turns around to see who’s calling him and spots Keith and the rest of 8G. He quickly turns around again and pretends he hasn’t noticed anything]
Nishant: [Whispering to the rest of 8G] Lets go man! I’mma go bash the hell outta this freaking cleaner with mahh pots and pans yo! Show that guy what happens to anybody that messes with mahh bros.
[Everyone looks at Mrs McFarken and Mrs McFarken nods]
James: ONE TWO THREE FOUR, FIVE SIX SEVEN, LETS GO!
[All of 8G runs out towards Kenji from the hiding spot waving pots and pans, while Kenji stands there gobsmacked. Kenji begins to run away, leaving Justin and Jimmy behind]
Nishant: [Yelling on top of his lungs] Yo aint goin’ nowhere bro! Whacha sayin’ bout mahh hommies? [Catches up to Kenji and tries to tackle him]
Kenji: AH! GET AWAY FROM ME YOU LOSER! [Starts punching Nishant]
James: LETS BASH KENJI YO! [Runs up to help Nishant, with the rest of 8G following]
Justin: [Standing alone, stilled tied] HEYHEY! Don’t everybody tries to untie me at once!
Betty: Ah oops, sorry. [Runs back and unties Justin while Angela hurries to untie Jimmy]
[Nishant and James are tackling Kenji onto the ground, and he is reaching for his gun]
Henry: [Shouts] Watch out everyone! HE HAS A GUN!
Mrs McFarken: [Panicking] BE CAREFUL NISHANT! GET BACK, BOTH OF YOU! I’M GOING TO CALL 000!
[Exit Mrs McFarken and Nishant runs back and ducks while James charges forward heroically and tries to grab the gun]
Gary: JAMES! Now is not the time to act like a saviour! Let me hypnotise him with my good looks! [Does the “I’m a smooth hunk” pose]
Kenji: COME ANY CLOSER JAMES, AND I WILL SHOOT!
James: What, with that plastic gun of yours?
[Kenji hesitates for a moment and looks at his gun. In this split second, James runs up, grabs the gun off Kenji and throws it to Jimmy]
Jimmy: [to Kenji] Hah, WHO’S LAUGHING NOW? [Smiles and points the gun towards Kenji. Kenji tries to run but James grasps him by the collar, not letting him escape]
[Enter Justin’s mom and both of Jimmy’s parents]
Justin’s mum: NO! Don’t shoot! I have the money right here! [Crying]
Jimmy’s mum: Where is this “Kenji” person? [Looks around and sees Jimmy] Jimmy! IS THAT YOU?!
Jimmy’s dad: OHMYGAWWT LAH! PUT THAT GUN DOWN JIMMY!
Jimmy: No! I’ll explain later, but that man over there deserves to suffer.
Justin: I reckon! Killing my hair … [Frowning and combing his hair]
Kenji: [to Jimmy] You don’t want to shoot now you know. I can easily accuse you of underage murder. [Smirks]
Jimmy: What, when you are lying in a coffin buried 6 feet underground? [Fingers closing in on the trigger]
Mrs McFarken: Don’t Jimmy! Give me that gun, NOW.
Kenji: Yeaaaaaah, be a good boy and hand over the gun.
Nishant: Shuddup man! I have ‘nuff of yo bull. [Punches Kenji on the nose while James still not letting go off Kenji. Kenji’s nose starts to bleed]
[Enter Mrs McFarken]
Justin’s mum: [Shocked from the violent behaviour] Excuse me, but are you responsible for these students?
Mrs McFarken: YES, I- [Police siren goes off in the background] HERE COMES THE POLICE!
Kenji: [Struggling to break free from James but failing miserably] Ah DAMMIT! Stupid kids! All I wanted was 20 000!
[Enter Head Police and a squad of police officers]
Head Police: [speaking into a microphone] STOP! Everyone freeze! PUT YOUR HANDS UP THAT PERSON DRESSED IN THE 2-DOLLAR SHIRT FROM THE REJECT SHOP!
[Everyone freezes like statues]
Police Man #1: Eh, not literally…
Kenji: Oh don’t worry, Mr I’m-so-much-more-superior-than-anyone-else, you haven’t missed much. I save the best bits till last. [Smirks] And now, be prepared, for …
[Kenji slowly moves his hand…]
Police Man #2: I SAID FREEZE! Move or you’re dead!
Kenji: Hah, hah, hah… [Rips open his shirt, revealing an atomic bomb] Ooh, sexy isn’t it.
Head Police: Wha- Oh- Uh-Ok. Kenji, just… calm down… okay…? Don’t make such sudden decisions. You still have a life to live, things will get better … Just-
Kenji: PSH. DON’T TRY THAT BULL WITH ME! That’s what everyone says, wherever I go. I just want money dammit! Just … [tears starts to fall] give me the money… please … that’s all I want…
[8G, Mrs McFarken and the Police squad look at Kenji with concern and sympathy]
Kenji: But things will get better now! [Screaming through tears] I WILL WIN THIS TIME! I have the bombs, hostages … well, I HAD the hostages … [Glaring at Jimmy and Justin] Now, prepare … for total DOMINATION, DOMINATION, DOMINATION! [Hand edges closer to the pulling cord of the bomb]
Anna, Betty, Angela: [In unison] NOOOO!
Kenji: Ooh, scared now, are we? Hah, you should be. I’m the mastermind and the supplier behind KIM JON IL’S weapons of mass destruction plan!
[The policemen’ all aim their guns at Kenji]
Kenji: Go ahead. SHOOT ME DAMMIT! END THIS! Or else you guys will all die anyway. Either way, I don’t really care. See the two chords? One will stop the bomb and the other [points to the blue cord] will … give you 10 seconds before…DOOMSDAY!! [Smirks and wipes the tears] DUN DUN DUN! Kenji shall have his ending to his story!
Justin’s mum: No my sweet lil Justin! My one and only …
Mrs McFarken: DON’T PULL! Please … [Kneels down and starts begging Kenji] I’m too young too die!
[Everyone looks at Mrs McFarken with a raised eyebrow]
Kenji: Now, Mr [checks the name tag] Jameson, is it? WELL, you know the drill. Give me the 20 000, or … [reaches for the chord of the bomb]
James: [Jumps forward in slow motion and reaches out to pull the chord. Accidentally slips and pulls the wrong cord. Falls flat on his face]
Keith: JAMES YOU IDIOT! IT’S THE OTHER ONE DAMMIT!
Zoe: Oh. My. Gosh. James, you’re like, the, like, biggest loser, like, I’ve ever seen! Waaaaah, I want my mommy! [Starts brawling her eyes out]
Betty: OMG YOU SISSY-
James: [Stands up, brushes dirt off his shirt and pulls the other chord. The bomb stops ticking immediately] Happy now?
Nishant: YAY! THE PRETTYBOY HAS DONE IT! HE HAS SAVED US ALL!
[Justin’s mum runs up to hug Justin and Jimmy’s parents hugs Jimmy]
[Kenji looks crestfallen and nods]
Head police officer: Put your left hand in…
[Kenji sticks left hand in]
Head police officer: Put your left hand out…
[Kenji does as he is told]
Head police: Put your left in and shake it all about…
[Kenji puts his left hand in front and shakes it]
Everybody: [singing] You do the hokey pokey and you turn around…
[Kenji turns around]
ALL: AND THAT’S WHAT ITS ALL ABOUT!!
[Exeunt]