Extract: 13th November, 2008.


"Imagine this. 5 days from your yearly exam, your VD teacher informs you that SHE HAS NOT YET WRITTEN THE PAPER and that she THINKS that she'll force you to analyse a couple of her favourite artists works just because she loves seeing poor, innocent students repeating the names " William Kentridge" and "Shaun Gladwell" on paper 50 million times.

1 day before the exam, she nicely informs us that she has changed what was going to be tested in an exam, is "extremely stressed" from writing our paper and printing it out in colour, and then hands out 4 oxford-dictionary-thick booklets for us to "study" the new material for our exam, which was the next day."

--

Well guess what? 5 days ago, she told us that OH NO SHE HASN'T WRITTEN THE EXAM YET *massive freakout* and for the past 2 lessons she hasn't been at school.

I wonder what she's doing ==

Yesterday, we attempted to stage protest a la trade union style outside the VA staffroom but of course, to no avail.

Miss: so do you know what wearable art is?
All: *shakes head*
Miss: eh what about body adornment?
All: *shakes head*
Miss: okay that probably wouldn't be in the exam then ..

Eh sorry miss? You wrote the exam yourself? Or have you been facebooking your luvos again? =_______________=


And today she gives us this HUGE BOOKLET yet again (note major land management issue here), and guess when our exam is ? TOMORROWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW!




I've learnt alot the past few days.

A few days ago, I experienced.. the worst feeling I have ever felt in the 16 years that I have existed. And by that I'm not kidding either. It all came down to my lack of organisation this year, and pressure got the better of me. I just stared blankly, while everything in my mind was so messed up. It's that feeling when you feel so worn out by everything that you don't have the strength to just go on. At that time, I lost it completely, started crying, and uttered the words " I can't do this" for the first time. I finally gave up and went to sleep, just hoping everything would black out and my mind wouldn't be tormented anymore. I slept for a few hours, only to wake up again just shaking, tossing and turning, unable to just close my mind. I just wished I would sleep forever, and tomorrow never came.

I couldn't stop crying the next day.
I'm sorry for being such a loser to people last friday.

My attitude that night shocked me beyond anything.. I was always told to maintain that strength of mentality, no matter how bad the situation was, but I guess that's what happens when you let it overwhelm you. I guess it's like what someone once said; " if you think you're winning or losing, then you're right."

I also realised just what hobbies are for. Sometimes you need something that will distract you completely, take you to another place where you can express yourself freely and lose yourself. And at that moment, I discovered just how beautiful piano is.

But everyone falls right? It's what you learn from it and how you get back that matters.




I'm on my road of redemption.