∞ My Parachute.
Tuesday, June 12, 2007
HAPPY 1OOth POST SG!Ah man, I just feel so shit and hopeless and .. sigh, you get the point. Far out, you know when you have a bad day already, and then there's fucktards like me who is going to take it out on a keyboard aqweirusadmasldfa[sejfasl;f.
AHH STOP. FAR OUT.That's what you feel like saying right? Just take me away from this dreaded place. Fucking save me dammit! Sometimes you look at the people around you, supposably your "friends" and you ask yourself, are they really who will be there when I go down? Do they bring out the best in me? And I turn, and look at my surroundings now. What do I see? What DO I see?
"OOH OOH COME AND GIMME A HUG" "OMG THAT'S SO HOT" " Yeah let's go BANG BANG yeah?"Do I really need that? Can I cope with that any longer? Is that really the best I can be?
No. WHO CAN? Why are some people so shallow? Is that the path they want to go? Do they even enjoy that company? What's so fascinating and interesting about some shallow-minded people? IS THAT WHAT THEY CALL FRIENDS?
IS IT?Psh, I'll tell you what friends are.
When something happens to you, they come, unquestioned, by your side, whether you are wrong or right. They don't go and ditch you because some new guy they met on the train walked past. They ask you if your okay when you stayed silent for 2 minutes.
THEY CARE DAMMIT.Here you go, pissed as hell due to a shiet afternoon, and then there they are. What can I say? Smile it off and pretend that nothing is wrong? Nothing is wrong while they step on your feelings and trample on your pride?
" Second chances they don't ever matter, people never change, Once a whore, you're nothing more, I'm sorry that'll never change "- Misery Business, by Paramore.
All you wanted was somebody who cared. And I found it, here. And I cannot even express how grateful I am to have you guys, and nothing could repay all I owe you guys. Each and one of you have been there and that's all that matters. You would not get weirded out when I call you guys, sometimes maybe choking on tears. And I just want you guys to know, I'll always be here for you too, like you guys did for me.
You guys helped me achieve the things I would've never thought I could. Forming a band? Starting a dance? Join in knockout soccer? Art Exhibition? Variety Night? SHAKESPEARE FESTIVAL? Be the best person I can possibly be? BELIEVE IN MYSELF?
I used to think about doing something, but then giving up without even trying because I had no support, no foundation. But I found it, here. I realised the ability I had was far greater than I thought I was capable of, and there's much more to life than just what I had before.
And sometimes, it just hurts, when they just do something so thoughtless, and you feel like your heart has just been stabbed. Simple things, as they may seem, but what they meant stood for much much more. A simple phrase, completely inrevalent, harmless as you may think, may be something so much more to someone else..
Yes, I still fucking have feelings for that person. Happy? So now, would you get a conscience and not bullshit about some fuck crap? Is that clear?
But you still came back for me.
" And in midst of this self-inflicted pain, I can see my beautiful rescue.. "